I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
