Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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