Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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