Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
