Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize