Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
