Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
