shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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