I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
