its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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