So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
