how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize