I wanna passion pit in your ass
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
