Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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