I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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