Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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