I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
sex in a hospital.. check
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
