Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
