I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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