he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
