Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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