I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
