I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
