I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
