How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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