I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
