I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
