She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
