I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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