There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
