If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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