Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
