I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
