If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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