In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
