So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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