Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
