this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Hippo gnu deer
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
