i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
