You work out of a Hotel?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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