Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just threw up on my dentist
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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