Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
