Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
