so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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