I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize