Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
