guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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