I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
