i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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