The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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