You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
