Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
