Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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