My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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