It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
