margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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