Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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