that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
