It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
