he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
