She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
