youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
