he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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