i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
