we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
