I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
