i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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